Many of you are likely familiar with the Autoimmune Protocol (AIP) diet, or have tried it yourself. I myself followed the AIP diet for a long time between the years of 2014 – 2016, and then on and off again after that to help manage my multiple autoimmune conditions. At first, following the diet was pretty life-changing; the symptoms that I had been having for years before seemed to disappear within a matter of weeks, and I felt my energy and life slowly being restored.
At the time I was working with my first functional medicine doctor and he was helping to supervise the diet and also manage my care. After a lot of blood work and narrowing down what might be ailing me, I began supplementation and certain chiropractic body work to help balance and strengthen my body. Along with the diet, I felt that these other techniques were helping me a great deal, and after a few months I began to feel about 80% healthy.
However, no matter what we seemed to do physically, after a certain point I just seemed to plateau, never feeling better than what I would describe as “80% well.”
When I asked my doctor about this, his response was that perhaps this is just the best it’ll ever be, and that I should get used to this being my maximum wellness. I was tempted to accept this because after all — feeling 80% better was a huge improvement over feeling only 10% well or whatnot. However, I just felt like I shouldn’t have to settle for only feeling 80% well for the rest of my life. What was missing? How could I tap into that “other 20%” so that I could feel totally healthy?
I began feeling like diet and supplementation and even body work wasn’t the answer. Yes, clearly it was part of it, but not the entire thing. Along with other factors in my personal life, this was one of the drivers that led me to seek out more esoteric and metaphysical modalities like energy work, spirituality, meditation and mindfulness, and self-love.
Specifically, there were a few areas that I ultimately decided made up the “other 20%” that I was searching for:
1. Forgiveness — I did a lot of work to forgive myself and also others. This took time working with therapists, journaling and self-reflection, but it was well-worth it in the end
2. Letting Go — I’ve always been a perfectionist and a control freak; this is how I created safety for myself and how I felt like I was more secure, is if I could be in control of everything in my life (my body, diet, health, social engagements, schedule, etc.)I also held myself to impossibly high standards and was very rigid in my approach of nearly everything, and I wouldn’t allow myself to give anything less than 110% to everyone and everything in my life. As you can imagine, this was exhausting and not sustainable.
I had to unravel a lot of my beliefs around body image and diet restrictions, how effective I really was at controlling anything in my life (hint: I was not), and learn to go with the flow a bit more.Another challenge was dropping my over-developed sense of responsibility and learn to just let everyone live their own life, and admit that I was not the “hero” everyone was waiting for.
I was just a person and so is everyone else, and sometimes the most heroic thing you can do is just let others live their lives (or let your body do what it’s gonna do) without trying to interfere with every little thing. This was a valuable lesson and one that allowed me to stop feeling like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders every second.
3. Play — One thing that I never really allowed myself to do was play. I was like…what is a hobby? What do I enjoy? What do you mean I can’t just work and attend doctor’s appointments all the time? I felt as if every waking second had to be dedicated to getting ahead, or being productive, or doing something for someone else, or learning something new, or working on myself.
What I overlooked though was my desperate need to have fun and just relax by doing nothing of particular importance.I reconnected with making art. I started reading books for fun again, and not just medical or nonfiction “self-help” books. I hooked up my old Nintendo and started playing Mario in my free time. I played board games with my wife. I looked at funny memes and videos online and watched funny TV shows just to laugh more. I reconnected with nature and spent more time outdoors.
And you know what? Surprisingly, I didn’t get fired, or fall behind, or neglect my responsibilities, and nobody got hurt or injured because I was playing a video game instead of being alert and on-edge 24/7. And all the while, my health improved, my blood pressure lowered, and I felt more optimistic about life. Amazing, right? 🙂 So, remember to have fun. Remember to laugh, smile and play. You might be pleasantly surprised at how this positively impacts your life and your health.
4. Self-acceptance — A spiritual teacher once told me that in her perspective, an autoimmune condition is just a physical manifestation of us literally fighting against ourselves and not fully accepting ourselves. That makes sense since autoimmunity is essentially the body attacking itself. This was another big lesson that I had to learn, that it’s ok to be yourself. It’s ok to express yourself and be open and give a part of yourself to other people. The world can feel scary, but if you can find the courage to accept who you are and be ok with that (instead of hiding parts of yourself away), you will experience the fullness that life has to offer.
I’ll be honest with you, this might not happen overnight. It might take working through some sh*t with a therapist or other trained professional, or doing some of your own work to release feelings of shame and resentment toward yourself. Letting Go of Shame was a book that had a profound impact on my life and my own handling of internalized guilt and shame, and of course Brené Brown has several books (and even a Netflix special) on the topic of shame. I would highly recommend doing your own work on this area so that you can feel more free to love and accept yourself.
5. Spiritual Practice — Obviously a main theme here at humblHuman is spirituality, and for good reason. I’d say this was probably the biggest factor when it came to fully restoring my wellness. I tell the full story of my spiritual journey in my book, The Ultimate Journey, but what I’ll share in this post is that when I was at my weakest health-wise was also when I was at my weakest spiritual-wise. I felt desolate, disconnected, purposeless and angry. I felt angry toward God and the Universe for dealing me this particular hand of cards; I felt angry at myself for being unable to “fix” myself. I felt lost and confused, and some days I felt very hopeless.
As I did the work to peel back the layers of shame and guilt, began to play more, let go of the false idea that I was responsible for everything in life, and forgave myself and others (including God), I was able to reconnect with my spiritual side and create a spiritual practice for myself. This changed everything. It was like my whole body and nervous system calmed down. I surrendered to a power greater than myself and felt like I finally let go of a breath I wasn’t aware I’d been holding.
These factors were some of what made up the “Other 20%” in my healing, which weren’t related to diet or supplements or more lab work. Overall, it’s my opinion that if you have an autoimmune condition, treating it with only physical remedies may not be enough. Or at least, this was my experience. You have to go deeper.
Born out of a quest for simply better health, my own search ultimately led me to my current path of Kriya Yoga practitioner and author here at humblHuman. In that regard I am thankful for my autoimmunity because it forced me to look within myself and stop ignoring those things I knew were important deep down, but never had the courage or motivation to explore.
Therefore I always tell people that if you let it, illness can be the greatest teacher and stepping stone to much, much greater things.